Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
