Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
