Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
