all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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