I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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