well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
