There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
