I'm going to jail i love you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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