Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
