I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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