Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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