I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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