i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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