my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
