apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
