I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
