he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
