He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
not ubering you a puppy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
