I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How external is "for external use only"?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
