How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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