I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
