I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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