I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
