Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
