dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just cropdusted the office
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
