I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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