I will die if light touches me.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
