At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my being single is dangerous.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
