i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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