ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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