I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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