My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
