dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
