She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
