shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
