she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
