just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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