The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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