Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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