dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
