if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
