Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
