dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I need water and some morals
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
