just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
