their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he puts the penis in happiness.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
