Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
