Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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