Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
