the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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