u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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