How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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