3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
