You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
