i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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