All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
