sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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