worst night to have a conscience
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
