Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
