I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
