No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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