I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
