i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You left your phone here
Wait...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
