I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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