is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
