I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
