suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
