I hope mine doesn't look like that
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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