she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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